Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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