is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
