To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
