end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
