what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
