how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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