I feel like I'm in dance class right now
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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