we made out on top of his cat.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
