Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
handjob tips. give me some.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize