fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?