She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
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