So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.