Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
