I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize