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• (703): View more from Virginia

  How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.

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• (705): View more from Ontario

  Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?

  (1-705): View more from Ontario

  That would be awkward if he commented on your status

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"

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• (661): View more from California

  how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?

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• 

  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (815): View more from Illinois

  I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  That's some true roommate bonding right there.

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• (770): View more from Georgia

  Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.

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• (510): View more from California

  yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole

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• 

  21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (512): View more from Texas

  just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!

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• (312): View more from Illinois

  I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.

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• (336): View more from North Carolina

  My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance

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• (415): View more from California

  One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter

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