1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.