In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
