Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch