How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter