She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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