We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
