He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
