Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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