I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
