my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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