Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
birth control should be required to get into college
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
