im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
