epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
