youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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