woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
