You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
