how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
