If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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