I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Every concussion has its silver lining
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
