So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
