I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
