I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
