Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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