He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Sorry my hands just texted you
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
