The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
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I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
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I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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