i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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