Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
