So drunk its hurt
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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