I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
