Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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