you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
