I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
