Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
