real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize