Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
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