do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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