Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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