I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
