That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
