Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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