Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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