I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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