I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
