I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
