yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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