did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
so let's talk penis.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
