did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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