Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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