I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
