he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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