you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
