Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
