i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize