Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
