I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
