good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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