sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
false alarm. still invincible.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
