so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
