You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize