I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
