Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
