I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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