I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
