and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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