I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
