i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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