In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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