If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
