How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
