some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
