I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
